


How the Light Gets In

by TheVioletSunflower



Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: AAC Devices, Autistic Martin, First Kiss, Jon and Basira being supportive of Martin’s disability, M/M, first chapter has some angst but after that it’s pretty fluffy, non-verbal episodes, post ep 159
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-12
Updated: 2020-04-28
Packaged: 2021-03-01 05:07:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,160
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23119714
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheVioletSunflower/pseuds/TheVioletSunflower
Summary: After Jon pulls him out of the Lonely, Martin needs some time to recover.
Relationships: Martin Blackwood/Jonathan Sims
Comments: 26
Kudos: 260
Collections: RaeLynn's Epic Rec List





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Title is from Leonard Cohen’s Anthem: “There is a crack in everything, that’s how the light gets in.”
> 
> This takes place in an alternate universe where the police have even a passing knowledge about mental health.

Neither of them said much as they made their way back through the tunnels to the Institute. Jon was concentrating on Knowing the way back, while Martin just looked too exhausted to say much.

It was only after they arrived safely back in the Archives and the small room with the cot that Jon finally turned to Martin with an exhausted smile and spoke. “We did it, Martin. We got out.”

Martin returned the forced smile, sitting heavily down on the edge of the cot.

Jon sat beside him and put an arm around him. “It’s okay, Martin. It’s over. I’m here.”

Martin nodded, but still didn’t say anything. When Jon looked down at him, he noticed tears falling from his face.

“Martin? What’s happening? Are you all right?”

He made a small noise in the back of his throat and shook his head, his hand curling into a fist in his lap.

“Hey it’s all right. I can help. Just tell me what you need. Do you want a cup of tea? Or a blanket? A hug? What do you need?”

At this, Martin slammed his hands down on the bed, pushing Jon back with a wordless whine that almost sounded pained.

“Martin? Are- is something wrong? It’s Jon. Do you know who I am?”

This time his whine was almost a yell as he stood up and threw a pillow at Jon’s head before running to the other end of the room and hiding his face in his hands.

Jon stared at him, mouth hanging open. Martin had thrown something at him. Sure, it had been a pillow, but the idea of the kind man he knew throwing  anything was so beyond anything he could imagine that his mind couldn’t process what he was seeing. He swallowed hard. “Um, Basira? Basira can you come help me for a moment?”

Basira poked her head into the room. Her scarf was crooked and she her lip was split, but he was glad to see her mostly intact.

“Jon? Did you find-” Her eyes fell on Martin and she nodded. “Right. Guess you did. Is- is he okay?”

“I don’t know. I think something’s wrong. He won’t talk to me, and when I ask him anything he just whines and- and he threw a pillow at me!”

“Were you asking or were you Compelling?”

Jon stared for a moment. “Shit. I don’t know. I didn’t mean to Compell him but- Shit. Yeah. Maybe I did. But he didn’t actually say anything!”

“Right. Just sit there and be quiet a moment, okay?” She walked over to where Martin was standing. “Martin? It’s Basira. Can you hear me? You don’t have to talk, just nod if you can understand me.”

There was a short pause before Martin nodded, so minutely as to be almost imperceptible.

Basira smiled. “Good. Jon and I are here to take care of you, okay? We want to help. Now. Can you take a few deep breaths for me?” She waited for him to do so before nodding. “Good job. You’re doing really well. Now do you want to sit back down?”

Martin hesitated, before nodding and going to sit back on the cot, a few feet away from where he had been before to put some distance between himself and Jon.

Jon sighed in relief to see him relaxing even that much. “Thanks Basira. Um, what’s - Is this the Lonely? Did they steal his voice while he was in there?”

She shook her head. “Doesn’t look that way to me. I mean, it could be. But to me it looks more like a totally normal non-verbal episode. We got loads of cases like this on the force. People get stressed or tired and the language part of their brain just sort of… shuts off.”

“Right. And these… episodes. They make people throw things to?”

Basira snorted. “No, not talking doesn’t make people violent. But getting stressed can. And not being able to communicate is pretty stressful. Especially when people are expecting you to talk.”

“Or Compelling you…”

“Yeah.”

“Shit. I- I’m so sorry Martin. I didn’t mean- I’m sorry.”

Martin didn’t respond, just staring down at the floor in front of him.

Basira crouched down so she was on the same level as Martin. She took a moment to find something on her phone before holding it out to him, showing him something on the screen. “Martin do you know what this is?”

He shook his head no.

“It’s a picture to speech app. It helps people talk when they’re having trouble. All you have to do is touch the button of what you want to say and the phone will say it for you. Does that sound like something you want to try?”

Martin bit his lip, frowning.

“Go on. Give it a go. If you don’t like it you can always stop. We’re not going to judge you either way.”

He hesitantly took the phone from her hand. He stared down at it for a moment before tapping the screen. A mechanical voice from the phone said  _ Thank you . _

Basira smiled. “You’re very welcome, Martin. Good job. Now. Can you tell us what you’re feeling? Emotion words are just on the second tab there.”

He took a moment to scroll through the options before finally selecting  _Scared_.

“Yeah. Yeah I imagine you would be. There’s a lot going on right now. It can be pretty overwhelming.”

He nods, swallowing hard.

“Hey it’s okay. You’re doing really, really good. Isn’t he, Jon?”

Jon was quick to nod, almost frantically. “Yeah! Great! Doing great! Good app, that!”

Basira snorted. “Gee, Martin, looks like Jon’s having trouble talking too. Maybe he needs an app!”

Martin gave her a weak smile in return, then looked back at the app, brow furrowed in concentration as he searched for the right terms to express what he wanted to say. Finally he settled on  _ Strong. Woman. Hurt._

Basira frowned. “A strong woman hurt you? Where are you hurt?”

He shook his head, frowning harder at the buttons.  _ Question .  Police. Girlfriend. Strong. Woman. Hurt._

“Police girl-“ Basira turned bright red. “Oh, you mean Daisy?”

Martin nodded, smiling victoriously at being understood.

“She’s not my girlfriend. I don’t think. Probably. But. Uh. Yeah. She’s fine. Bit scraped up. Nothing that won’t heal.”

_Good_.

“Yeah. It is. We got really lucky.” She stood up. “I should probably get back to her. If you two are okay?”

_Phone_.

“Keep it for tonight. You need it more than I do. You cool if I leave?”

Martin nodded. _ Police. Go. Boyfriend. Stay._

She raised an eyebrow at Jon, whose face had turned bright red. “Boyfriend? That a new development?”

“I- Er- Yeah it- It just happened.”

She snorted. “Well then. I’ll leave you two  boyfriends to your boyfriendly ways.”

Jon groaned with embarrassment as Basira closed the door behind her. Then she was gone, and all that was left was him, Martin, and the silence that hung between them.

Once again, Jon was the one to break it. “So. Boyfriend.”

_Yes_.

“Right.”

A pause.

_ Question. Boyfriend. Good._

“You asking if I’m okay or if it’s okay that you call me your boyfriend?”

Martin frowned, his finger hovering over the screen for a second before simply saying  _Yes_.

“Both. Right. Well. I’m fine. I’m okay. Just- Just tired I guess. And yeah Martin. Of course you can call me your boyfriend.”

Martin beamed at him, reaching toward him with one hand. Jon took the offered hand, smiling gently back at him.

Another long pause. Then:

“I’m sorry Martin. I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

Martin nodded, giving his hand a gentle squeeze.

“I’ll download that app on my phone okay? So if it happens again we’ll be ready.”

Martin nodded again. Then he looked away, blinking hard.

“Martin? Are you okay? What’s wrong?” This time, Jon was careful to keep the Compulsion out of his voice.

Martin’s lip began to tremble.  _Boyfriend. Good_.

“You’re- you’re crying cause I’m good? These are happy tears?”

He shook his head.  _ Boyfriend. Good. Sorry._

“Sorry? Martin you have nothing to be sorry about. I’m the one who should be sorry. I’m the one who hurt you.”

Martin was crying in earnest now. His thumb tapped the button over and over.  _ Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry._

“No. Martin. Stop. It’s okay. Really. I- Fuck, Martin, can I give you a hug?”

He didn’t look up, but his finger stilled over the button. After a long moment of silence, he nodded.

“Right.” Jon held his arms open, letting Martin be the one to scoot closer and lean into his chest. Jon pulled him close. “There you are. I got you. You’re okay Martin. I got you.” He stroked Martin’s hair, letting him cry into his chest.

After a long while, Martin seemed to cry himself out, his sobs tapering off to soft, jagged breaths. At last he moved in Jon’s hold just enough so he could see the screen again.  _Tired_.

“Yeah. Me too. It’s been a long day.”

_ Tired. Stay._

“You want me to stay with you while you sleep?”

Martin nodded against Jon’s chest.

“All right. I’ll stay. I’ll stay as long as you want me.”

He smiled and squeezed Jon around the middle.

It took them a while to get arranged on the bed. Getting two fully grown adults lying down on one tiny cot and properly covered by the blankets proved to be a more difficult task than they imagined. When they finally managed it, Martin snuggled close, his face pressed firmly into Jon’s shoulder.

Jon stroked a stray curl back from Martin’s face. “For the record, Martin, I think you’re a wonderful boyfriend too.”

Martin blushed and nuzzled Jon’s chest, making a small happy noise.

“Good night, Martin.”

He hummed again, one more time, before drifting off.


	2. Chapter 2

Martin woke up, but didn’t open his eyes. He did a quick body scan to check that everything was where it should be. Everything felt fine, besides the heaviness of his tongue that he knew from experience meant he wouldn’t be able to speak. And, well, considering what had happened yesterday, if a nonverbal episode was all he had, he was very lucky.

Yesterday. He’d followed Peter down into the tunnels. Elias had been there. Er, Magnus. He’d gotten stuck in the Lonely. And Jon had-

Jon. Jon had said he wanted to be Martin’s boyfriend. Jon had said he wanted to be Martin’s boyfriend when Martin had been non-verbal. Jon knew and he didn’t mind. Had called for help. Hadn’t judged. Jon was good.

He smiled and opened his eyes. Jon was already up, sitting in a chair across the room doing something on his phone. Martin watched for a few seconds before reaching for the phone Basira had left him. He searched for “good morning”, couldn’t find it, and settled on  _ Hello _ . instead.

Jon jumped at the sound, his head snapping up to look at him. He relaxed when he saw Martin. “Oh. Martin. Hello. How did you sleep?”

_ Good. You. Question. _

“Yeah I slept okay. Woke up a bit before you so I did some research on non-verbal episodes so I’d know what to do next time. Turns out I did it all wrong yesterday. Did you know non-verbal episodes are usually caused by stress and overstimulation and most people say they usually come with heightened senses so things most people don’t notice are way too loud or bright?” His hands were starting to move as he talked, gesturing wildly the way they always did when he got on a roll. “So you should be careful not to be too loud or touch someone without asking first and you’re supposed to discuss it ahead of time so you know what to do cause everybody’s different and-” He froze suddenly. “What am I saying? Of course you know that. You’re the one living it! Sorry. It’s just new to me.”

A slow smile had crept across Martin’s face as Jon spoke.  _ You. Good. Thank you. _

“Oh! That reminds me! The app!” And he was off again, arms waving. Martin resisted the urge to laugh. “So it turns out there’s a ton of apps like the one Basira has and some of them you pay for and some of them you don’t, and they’re all different, and I spent a long time looking at all of them and reading reviews and then I remembered one of the forums said people don’t like new things when they’re non-verbal so I thought you already used that app last night and you seemed to like it so I found that same app and I downloaded it and then I found a feature where you can add your own buttons so I looked up a list of the most important words to have on these kinds of things and made sure they were all there and-” His hands fell to his lap again. “Sorry, I’m rambling again. The forums also said not to talk too much around people who are non-verbal cause they process information slower.”

Martin sat up, biting his lip to hold back a smile. He made grabby hands toward Jon.

“You want me to come there?”

He nodded and patted the bed beside him. Jon came over and hesitantly sat down, leaving a careful six inches between them. Martin slid over to close the gap, leaning his head on Jon’s shoulder.

“Oh,” Jon said quietly. There was a note of wonder in his voice that made Martin smile.

_ See. Phone. Please. _

“Oh! Right. Yeah. Of course. Here.”

He opened his phone and passed it to Martin. The app looked the same as Basira’s, but it seemed to have nearly twice the number of buttons, many of which featured photos he guessed came from Jon’s phone camera. A few appeared to be hand drawings done on manila folders by someone who was trying very hard but had very little skill.

He turned back to Basira’s phone, where he already kind of knew where the buttons were.  _ Boyfriend. Sleep. Question. _

“Yes, I slept!” Jon said defensively. “I slept for at least an hour. Then I woke up and I thought if I was awake anyway I may as well do a bit of research while I wait to get tired again and then I got distracted and… well…”

Martin laughed and shook his head. Jon gave him a playful nudge with his elbow in response. “Want me to show you what I added?”

He nodded and Jon took the phone back so he could scroll through it. “So the first thing I added was some names. One of the lists said the most important thing was to make sure you could say your name and the names of important people in your life. So in the people section I added you, me, Basira, Daisy and Melanie, so you don’t just have to call me boyfriend any more. Much as I like hearing that. And I put Jonah Magnus in there too in case you want to talk about what a jerk he is.”

Martin laughed at that and Jon smiled in response.

“Then I added stuff like your address and the Institute so you could talk about places you go a lot. And then I started thinking what are some things Martin might want to say that wouldn’t be on one of those lists or already in the app. So I added research and statement and recording cause those are part of your work. And I added poetry cause you like to do that. And in the food section here I added a button for “earl grey tea with two milk and a spoonful of honey” cause they had a tea button already but it wasn’t very specific and I figured if you were at a cafe or something you might want to be able to- Mmh!”

His words were cut off by Martin suddenly grabbing him and kissing him soundly. Martin didn’t know what came over him. He’d just been thinking about how much time and effort Jon had been putting into learning about him and putting together the app. How Jon didn’t just not mind that he couldn’t talk sometimes, he was actively helping him deal with it. That he’d remembered his tea order and thought to program it in. It had all washed over Martin at once and he hadn’t even had time to think before he’d been kissing Jon.

By the time he pulled back tears had started to pool in his eyes.

Jon was touching his own lips, a look of surprise on his face. “I- Wow. That was. Wow.” Then his shock turned into a frown. “Wait. Martin? Are you crying? Is everything okay?”

Martin nodded, reaching for Jon’s phone and the new app.  _ Thank you. Jon. Phone. Good. Boyfriend. Good. Thank you. _

Jon smiled and pulled him into a tight hug. “Of course. It’s the least I could do. I’m always here for you.”

Martin leaned up to kiss his cheek. He felt safe and happy and good. For the first time in his life, the fear that always came with non-verbal episodes was absent. He was safe here. He was loved. Things were going to be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wasn’t planning on a second chapter but this idea kept sticking in my mind so here it is.
> 
> I may add a third chapter about the train trip to Scotland and Martin slowly regaining his speech if there’s interest.


	3. Chapter 3

_Please don’t touch me._

Jon looked down from where he had been staring out the train window, at Martin snuggled into his side. “Are you asking me to stop touching you or just trying out the new buttons?”

Martin quickly scrolled through the buttons to find the ones he needed. Jon noticed with a surge of pride that he was getting faster and more sure of himself. _Jon. Touch. Good. Not. Stop._

Jon smiled and kissed the top of Martin’s head. “Good. Just making sure.”

Martin nuzzled him happily before returning to his task of looking through the new buttons Jon had added, arranging them how he wanted them and adding ones that Jon hadn’t thought to add. Occasionally, Martin would try a new button to check that it worked, and the phone in his hand would say something like _The sun is in my eyes_ or _Fuck off_.

(Jon had laughed at that one. “For when they don’t listen to ‘please leave me alone’?” he guessed. _Yes_ , had been the reply.)

After a few minutes of silence, he heard the voice again. _I can’t talk right now but I can still hear and understand you_.

“That’s a good button,” Jon commented.

Martin looked up from the phone to smile at him. Then his eyes went wide with excitement as he pointed out the window behind Jon’s head. “Cows!” Jon turned to look, and indeed a herd of highland cattle were grazing in a field just outside the window.

Then it hit him. Martin had spoken. For the first time since leaving the Lonely, Martin was talking out loud. He opened his mouth to say how happy he was to hear his voice again, but shut it quickly. No. The forum had warned about that. He shouldn’t make a big deal of this or Martin would feel self-conscious. Instead he said, “Yes, those are some very good cows.”

“Good cows…” Martin repeated, a dreamy quality to his voice. “Good cows. Moo…”

“Moo,” Jon agreed.

“Moo.”

“Moo.”

“Moo.” He leaned across Jon to keep the cows in view as long as he could. When they finally faded out of sight, he settled back in his seat, leaning his head on Jon’s shoulder. “Good cows…” He yawned.

“Tired?” Jon asked.

Martin nodded.

“Do you want to sleep?”

He nodded again, eyes sliding closed.

Jon kissed the top of his head. “Sleep well, Martin.”

* * *

Half an hour later, he felt Martin shift against him, and a small voice said “Jon?”

Jon put down his book and turned his full attention to the man curled against his side. “Hello Martin. Did you sleep well?”

“I- Well. Yes. Sleep well.”

“Good. I’m really glad to hear that. And you’re feeling a bit better?”

“A bit better.”

“Good.”

There was a long silence. Jon didn’t know what to say, so he just tightened his arm around Martin’s shoulders, hoping that would communicate what he meant.

“Jon?”

“Yes, Martin?”

“Can I ask something?”

“Of course.”

“I- I think I know the answer, but I just need to make sure.”

“Go ahead.”

“Okay. Um… Do you think of me different now?”

Jon frowned. “I… don’t understand the question.”

“Now that you’ve seen me like this. Do you think I’m… broken or dumb or childish?”

The question hit him like a punch to the gut. He felt a strong desire to hurt whoever had made Martin feel like that. “What? No! Of course not!”

“Even though I didn’t talk all day and then when I did it was to- God. I mooed at you!”

“Yes, you did. I thought it was very sweet.”

“Sweet like a baby you have to take care of?”

Jon shook his head. “No, Martin. Sweet like a man who I care about very much, who has had a very hard year, but who feels comfortable enough to be vulnerable around me and to show me a side of himself that he would usually hide.”

Martin swallowed. “Oh.” He sounded a bit choked up.

Jon stroked Martin’s hair back from his face. “Can you tell me what you’re feeling?”

“I- Nobody ever- Thank you Jon. Nobody did that for me before.”

“Did what?”

“Helped me talk without making me talk.”

“Oh.” He hesitated. “Basira was the one who gave you the app.”

“Yeah but you customized it. And you did all that research. And you listened when I talked with the app. And you acted like it was totally normal. And you didn’t treat me like I was stupid or a little kid or think I was faking it or anything.”

“Of course not. Why on earth would I think any of that?”

“Because- Because-” He broke off into a choked sob, tears starting in his eyes.

“Oh Martin…” Jon pulled him into a tight hug. Martin cried into his chest as he rubbed slow circles on his back. “There there. I got you. It’s okay,” he said, repeating words he’d heard in a movie once. He wished he knew something better to say. Something that could fix this.

Eventually, Martin pulled back, wiping his tears on the back of his hand. “Sorry. I’m sorry.”

“No,” Jon said, putting a gentle hand on his knee. “There’s nothing to be sorry for. Nothing at all.”

Martin nodded, still blinking hard. “Yes. Okay. Yes.” He stared down at the ground, not making eye contact.

Jon considered him for a long moment before speaking. “Martin, would it be easier or harder to talk using the phone?”

“Don’t need a phone. I’m a grown-up. I can talk.”

“I know you’re a grown up. That’s not what I asked.”

“Sorry.”

“It’s okay. I’m not upset. Easier or harder? It’s fine either way.”

Martin hesitated. “Easier.”

“Okay.” He held out his phone. Martin took it, still not looking at him.

_Sorry._

“It’s okay. Really. Even if you never talk again except through the phone, that’s fine. It’s okay.”

Martin stared down at the ground.

“Do you want to talk about it or change the subject?”

 _Talk_.

“All right. We can talk.” He sat patiently, waiting for Martin to take the lead.

It took Martin a while to collect himself. After a few minutes he took a deep breath. _Feel. Baby._

“You’re not a baby.

_I. Know. But. Feel. Baby._

Jon didn’t know what to say to that, so he just said, “Yeah.”

_You. Don’t. Think. Baby._

“No. I don’t.”

_Why._

Jon tried not to let it show on his face how much that question broke his heart. “Because you’re not a baby. You’re a grown man. Whom I happen to care about a lot. And- and because I know what it’s like to have your brain do things you can’t control.”

Martin was quiet for a while. “Oh,” he finally said quietly, out loud.

“Yeah.”

He felt a gentle hand on his leg and looked up. Martin was scrolling through the phone for words, but he looked up when the sentence was spoken, a look of intense sincerity in his eyes. _Jon. Good. Man. Same._

He gave a derisive snort. “Yeah. Okay.”

_True. Jon. Good. Man._

He swallowed hard, feeling his own tears starting to sting his eyes. “Thank you, Martin.”

 _Hug. Question_.

“Yeah. Yeah you can hug me.”

Martin wrapped his arms tightly around him and Jon buried his face in his shirt. “I love you Martin,” he whispered. “Exactly as you are.”

“Love,” Martin repeated back. Jon could feel his smile against the top of his head.

The train rolled on toward Scotland, and inside two men held each other, slowly pulling themselves back together as they moved toward their future.


End file.
